Magnetic Cactus

The following inspired tale was concocted in 1899 by an infamous Munchhausen’s sufferer,  Joseph “Joe” Mulhatton, and printed in the local newspaper outfit of Florence, AZ at that time:

” … no doubt caused by vast beds of copper or some other magnetic mineral that underlies it all, this species of cactus from its fibrous nature acts like a telegraph instrument to receive and discharge the earth’s vast surplus of magnetism not required by the moon’s and sun’s magnetic attraction. All the magnetic cactus in this neighborhood are either positive or negative. One attracts; the other repels.

“Two tramps passing along the road just … a few nights ago took refuge under a bunch of this cactus. One of the men was at once drawn up to and impaled on the sharp blades of the cactus, while its octopus-like arms folded around him crushing him through and into the cactus where his blood, flesh and bones turned into a pulp very much like ordinary mucilage, which trickled out slowly from the aperture made by the passing in of the man’s body.

“The cactus looses all magnetic power while it is digesting its victim so I was able to look at this wonderful yet gruesome sight and report on the particulars. The body of the other tramp was repelled by the negative cactus and thrown about one hundred feet distant against a positive magnetic cactus where I left the sickening scene with a sad heart and nothing to identify the victims.

“After and just before a great storm the attractive or repellent power of the cactus is indescribable. Calves, birds and young colts are attracted, impaled, drawn in and quickly converted by the digestive juices of the cactus into the thick mucilaginous substance just described. There is very little travel through this wild section of the country, or this species of cactus would have been written about sooner.”