“I’m 3D, too…” (a That-a-way short)
INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY
AL, a young movie usher.
Al sweeps the aisles of “THEATER 1” while a crowd enters, taking their seats. A waste bucket has been placed on the front and most central seat in the theater, and as the crowd settles, after dumping the swept trash, Al replaces the tin canister with his own rear end.
Now the whole crowd is eager to watch the film, and they place there 3D glasses over their eyes, nearly in unison.
AN OFFICIOUS HAND grabs Al’s neck tie and pulls him out of the crowd.
INT. HALLWAY
The mean and ugly face of the MANAGER looks at Al.
INTERTITLE: “What are you doing?!”
Al pleads forgiveness.
INTERTITLE: “I’m only trying to see the movie.”
The manager barks some more.
INTERTITLE: “You can’t do that for free! It’s 3D!”
Al looks up, saddened as he’s never been.
INTERTITLE: “I’m 3D, too…”
The large jowls of the manager flap some more, barking orders and pointing.
INTERTITLE: “Clean the urinals!”
As Al begrudgingly walks away, the manager puts on his 3D glasses.
INT. LOBBY
Al, alone in the empty lobby,
A large poster reads: “AVARICE 3D”
Al grabs a mop and bucket from the side and walks into the restroom.
INT. RESTROOM
Al scrubs the toilets, bended knee. The experience is unedifying.
Al stands up, pondering something. Furrowing his brow, he counts on his hands.
The usher looks around, curiously, and mouths out a question.
INTERTITLE: “Where are the urinals?”
As Al leaves his janitorial duties within the stall, he realizes that he shares the room with SYLVIA, a young woman.
Sylvia turns after drying her hands and sees Al.
The young woman “{SCREAMS!}” bloody murder.
Al, holding a bucket of cleaning solution, falls back into the wall after hearing this shriek, and spills the swill all over himself.
After a horrific first-impression, Sylvia skedaddles…
INT. LOBBY - IMMEDIATELY AFTER
Al, soaking wet, sets down the cleaning gear and shakes himself off.
His manager is looking at him, disgusted.
Al points at the older man’s glasses.
The manager quickly puts them away.
Al squints, enraged.
As the manager defiantly walks away, Al puts on his own glasses and marches away.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
As Al crosses the ticket box, TWO BULLIES approach from the other direction.
One of the bullies mouths “Excuse me…” and Al stops.
Bully #1 asks a question and pointing to the concession.
INTERTITLE “Can I get some popcorn?”
Al squints in the distance.
Past the lobby, on the other side of the glass entrance doors, Al sees another young man, LOU, smoking outside and his back turned from the scene.
Al looks annoyed, looks around for the manager, then addresses the two bullies to explain the situation.
INTERTITLE: “I’m sorry. I’m am usher. I don’t work concessions.”
Al gestures to the rope separating the hallway from the lobby, just in case they misunderstood.
As Al starts to walk away, Bully #2 grabs him and yanks him back in the the lobby.
The two bullies pass him back and forth like a basketball.
Al is slammed into a bench in the lobby, a Newtonian body at rest, even if sore. He looks up.
The two bullies are looming over him, making fists.
INT. CONCESSION STAND - LATER
Al, battered and bruised, is filling up popcorn behind the register.
The bullies are contented.
They point to the soda fountains.
Al fills them up.
Then the candy.
And the nachos.
At this point Al is actually concerned for their health in stead of his own.
He rings it all up.
200 dollars.
Wow, Al is sure glad he’s never experienced an appetite like these poor saps.
The bullies smile.
Al’s heart stops. He shakes his head.
The bullies nod. They point in the register.
Al pleads.
INTERTITLE: “I make minimum wage!”
The bullies pound their fists into their hands.
Al agrees and starts paying.
As the bullies leave with their look, Lou walks back to his post. He looks surprised to see Al, still oblivious.
INTERTITLE: “Hey, Al. How’s it going?”
Al shoots him a death stare.
Lou is not sure about this so he changes the subject.
INTERTITLE: “You seen Avarice yet?”
Al excuses himself to go clean the urinals.
Lou mouths a good-bye.
INT. LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
As Al walks way, he notices that some sad sack is vomiting in the trash in the hallway.
Al has no sympathy, but he rolls up his sleeves to go clean up the mess.
INT. HALLWAY
As the vagrant picks her head out of the trash, Al realizes that it is Sylvia, her 3D glasses crooked on her nose.
Al looks surprised and glances in the trash then back at Sylvia.
Al mouths a question and Sylvia answers.
INTERTITLE: “The 3D makes me nauseous.”
Al sympathizes.
INTERTITLE: “Scientists estimate that 7% of the population can’t process 3D correctly”
Sylvia points at Al. Al shrugs, he doesn’t know. Sylvia wants to know something else.
INTERTITLE: “Who gave you the shiner?”
Al answers, smiling, trying to impress.
INTERTITLE: “Nobody gave it to me. I bought it.”
Al rubs his nails on his lapel, but recoils in pain when the pressure is too much.
Sylvia is going to be sick again and she excuses herself, running out of the theater.
Al regrets that she had to leave.
The manager walks up to Al and the trash can.
He looks down and then barks at Al.
INTERTITLE: “Get your vomit outta here!”
The manager leaves.
Al loathes that man.
Al takes the waste and ties a knot it the bag and heads for the doors.
As Al tries to make for the exit, he is bombarded with a wave of people exiting from an Avarice screening.
It’s an obstacle and at first he can’t get through.
Then everyone starts sniffing, and they let the usher pass.
Al walks through, embarrassed.
INT. ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
When Al steps near the exiting door, he looks down at an electronic ticketing screen.
The screen reads “Touch To Begin”
Al touches it a few times. Then gets out his wallet.
As he moves to swipe his debit card, he freezes looking down at the screen.
The screen reads “$50.00”
Al is shocked at the price and looks in his wallet.
He looks and sees the two bullies in the lobby, still wearing their 3D glasses; they’re reliving the experience in their conversation, with big smiles and laughter.
Al realizes he has to pay for this movie.
He slides his debit card.
The screen reads. “Sorry. This showing is SOLD OUT.”
Al kicks the electronic thing but hurts his toe.
He limps outside with the trash.
EXT. THEATER
Al throws the trash away.
He walks back but he’s locked out of the theater. He jiggles the handle, pushing and pulling. What next?
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
Al sits on a park bench.
Sylvia joins him.
She smiles and says something.
INTERTITLE: “I locked my keys in the car?”
Al is surprised by this.
Sylvia says some more.
INTERTITLE: “Can I sit with you while I wait for my girlfriend?”
Al’s eyes pop out of his head. He nods.
Al puts his elbow on his knee, and his chin on his fist.
Al and Sylvia sit together quietly on the park bench.
BURN TITLE: “I’m 3D, too…”
